I spent a few days in Park City working for my company at the Sundance Film Festival.
I wish I had been able to see more celebrities. My job kept me busy and away from seeing any movies.
Saturday was crazy and overwhelming. It was so crowded!
A few things that I didn’t expect to happen during this business trip. The first is that my hair would be long enough to make me feel kind of feminine. Another thing is that I saw a lot of cute girls and beautiful women, and it made me envious of them. Normally I would feel attracted to them. While there was still some of that going on, I felt a lot more dysphoria than before.
I went to a lounge for a tech demo, which happened to be in the basement. It was a big room, so they’d set up some other amenities for their patrons down there too. One was a massage station. And near that, they had set up a makeup and hair station. A beautiful blonde sat in one of the chairs, getting her makeup done. A surge of envy and longing rushed through me.
I had no idea that just the sight of the makeup table would evoke such powerful feelings in me.
I really, really, really wanted to see if they’d give me a makeover. But I didn’t do it. I was too afraid to out myself. And I felt quite disgusting and beyond hope. I was afraid my skin would gross out the makeup artist. So I just kept quiet. I felt kind of sad for the rest of the day.