It means I think my drawings suck. My stories are awful. So I never publish anything. In fact, I throw away so much, because I don’t think it’s good enough. And by extension, I don’t think I’m good enough.
I think that I need to work harder. To try harder. Put more effort in.
After doing this for my whole life, I’m broken. I don’t have any energy left to put in.
So I feel like I’ve fallen short. That I’m a bad person. And this is before adding any gender identity issues into the mix.
I guess I feel like I’m hitting bottom. I’m going to stop trying so hard. I’m going to be more forgiving of myself and not pick apart my art for all the flaws. I’m going to try to appreciate my creativity and expression for whatever comes out. And I’m going to try to post my “failures” to prove to myself that it won’t be the end of me.