The tumblr blog is going ok. Very easy to update, so that’s where I’ve put all my “wish I could be her” kind of posts.
I guess I could also put written updates there, but it doesn’t seem to fit the “theme” of the blog. It’s more a visual blog.
So it looks like I’ll post here again when it comes to thoughts and feelings about wanting to be a girl.
I’m pretty depressed right now. I’m feeling old and ugly. And I don’t think I’ll ever transition — too late and too much to lose. It’s shallow of me, but I don’t want to be an ugly girl. And knowing I would make an ugly girl in real life is another reason I’m feeling grief and sadness.
This spurred a flurry of Photoshopping for other folks to make them pretty. It’s a little bit of therapy.
Speaking of therapy, I’m actually seeing a therapist now. So far I have been afraid to mention my inner girl. But I think I’m going to have to, otherwise my therapist will be on a wild goose chase trying to find the reasons behind my anxiety and depression.
We’ll see what happens. I’m afraid that my therapist will think I’m gross and perverted, but I’m also getting tired of being afraid.
I’m thinking about growing my hair long before I start losing it. It’s starting to go gray. I also thought I might pluck my eyebrows a little bit. Not so much to be obvious, but just to get a nicer shape to them. Not sure how I’d explain either of these to anyone. I feel like I need to do something.